What are my strengths?

Hello readers.


  Anyway today, I really wasn't motivated to do school. Some days I'm like fuck.. last mod already let's just chiong and do well get A and pull my GPA up for the last lap and other days I'm like fuck.. I missed school again, woke up late again, but I can't afford to let myself feel shitty about myself, but I really feel shitty because I worry that this mod alone which will determine my term GPA will pull my whole GPA down zz and I get a lil angsty like why can't i just get my life together and wake up on time and go to school. Oh right, cause i'm doing stuffs like this at 3am ROFL

  But usually when I miss school, I still try to get my life together, example go for meetings, go for dance, meet my friends YEH. It's not because dance is my passion and it's easier to go for such things. Nowadays I'm in a state where I even get sick and tired of dancing some times but I use the remaining of my discipline and motivation to do what I need to do and be responsible. :)

  The past two days have been very thought- provoking, had many deep conversations with my colleagues (Friends) and pondered over things a lot. I love how my mindset grows/ changes/ as time passes. I really spot a lot a lot of changes in me this year. It's the circumstances that have changed me and good or bad, I'm gonna embrace the new me. So recently I've been posting a lot of rants, rubbish on Facebook about me feeling tired, losing passion in dance. And yesterday my bosses talked to me. Well one thing that I wanna point out is that I really hate how every time I have a point that I wanna bring forward that touches my weak spots, I'll cry. Like I really wanna tell you what I'm feeling now but IDK Why my stupid eyes can't hold the tears back, it's not that i'm sad it's just that I always feel so overwhelmed when I'm trying to be brave and talk about my feelings. And it's not that someone is forcing it out of me you know, I really wanna share it but I just have to cry to say it out successfully. LMAO my tear ducts too strong. It's like I don't exactly love the super emotional part of it but I do embrace it because I feel that it is a blessing to feel so deeply, as much as I feel sorrow as deeply as happiness.. But I just cry way toooo easily and crying is seen as a weakness but i'm not weak.
Got this quote from tumblr:

"Crying is not a sign of weakness, rather, it is a sign of strength. Only, a strong person will cry infront of others. Crying, is being overcome with overwhelming emotion, which can be joy, relief and stress. Never be ashamed of expressing emotions, through tears."

So for all you cry babies out there like me, it's okay to CRY because we're the ones who don't just cry but we overcome our emotions and get stronger after that right! :D

Anyway, the topic was about losing passion in dancing. Because dance is something that I'm doing every day, so often, so frequent, with so much deadlines to meet, that I'm creating out of stress. It is to be creating artistically through inspiration but when you have an allocated one hour to choreograph for something, the quality just gets compromised. They said that I'm overcommitting to too many things but I reasoned that if I'm still coping it is not overcommitting. Also, I'm an avid learner and I see value add in the things I sign up for. Example, competitions, choreographing for school production. I'm not particularly trying to level up my skills but I'm trying to learn all different types of things in different aspects which can be applicable to anything in the future. However, this thought of being a not good enough dancer keeps attacking me recently. My insecurities are that people think that I teach because I have the job as an instructor instead of teaching because I have the capabilities and skills. I still think my skills is not comparable, but there is a point taken that a good instructor and a good dancer are two very different paths. I do that after 3 years of teaching experience, I am competent in my job teaching but maybe just not enough as a dancer. So this insecurity of mine has resulted in having low self- confidence of me dancing. Always having the thought in my head that dance is the only thing I've been doing my whole life yet I'm so bad at it. I think many of these negative thoughts actually stem from social media. Social media is the big bad wolf. HAHA. It is to the point when people criticize me for my art, i take it over- constructively and de-value myself. And when people praise me for my art, I under-value them and think that they're just being kind, I'm not that great. But again, they have affirmed me that there must be something in me that my students see, that they have decided to continue following me, learning from me and dancing with me for the years. And what I should focus on are not those toxic people but these students that believe in me. I don't think I've said it enough on how grateful I am for allllll my students (Around 100 kids + adults now)

As you can tell, I really love sharing my thoughts and am someone who is quite open- minded to different perspectives. Hence, I find myself always in a confusion, unsure of what to feel or how to think when I always acknowledge so many perspectives. I know where people are coming from, why people think that way and can relate to them but have no idea who can I relate to. I get swayed around easily because my perspective- taking skills are so strong that I lose my own self of self hahah. There is no one right path, there is no one right thing to do. Just listen to yourself. You'll be happier at failing the things you want to do than succeeding in the things you do not want to do. Find out what are the values that you really hold dear to, and use them to guide your decisions and actions. Self discovery... hm.. for me maybe it is learning new things, value things that are meaningful over money and a sense of excellence! In the past, following my heart used to be extremely important for me. Some times people say that you can't follow your heart too much, you have to fine the middle point where you have to compromise a little to work well with others. Then as I work for the past years,  I came to realise that this is really true. If things don't go the way I want it to be and I insist on following my heart, I'll be even more upset. This is a logic that I know but don't really understand because in my situations I still can't act in this way even though I know it's in my best interest <: always="" and="" but="" can="" follow="" get="" haha="" heart="" i="" know="" m="" my="" not="" p="" still="" supposed="" t="" that="" to="" upset="">
Also, I've recently opened up my mind that there are so much more to life than dance!! I always always think that dance is so so important in my life that I can't think of anything outside of dance. And this is really the first time I feel that life has other things to offer and I'm really happy and excited to try living my life in other ways. I bet you guys are saying, it's about time since long ago nette.. HAHA

Someone told me today, that in your life, you have to be really good at one thing, and that thing can be as specific, as general. But you just have to know that one thing that you're really good at. The thing that you are really good at will shine in everything you do and if you identify your skills, what you're really good at, you can make use of it and be brilliant at what you do. So today I'll trying identifying my strengths...

 Positive traits my friends usually tell me and I agree on are things such as:
-super resilient and optimistic
-hardworking
-dance well
-handles stress well
-very independent
-very determined, once I set my mind to something I will get it

Positive traits my students tell me:
-extremely patient
-able to break down the dance steps and make it easy
-very committed in teaching

My strengths that I think I have:
-tuning out negativity and staying really optimistic
-likes challenges and always eager to learn anything new and improve
-my emotions, being able to hear that different people have different perspective
-high energy to expense, doesn't take long to recharge
-creativity
-curiosity
-high self efficacy

So I would say that my high self of excellence and self- efficacy has allowed me to excel in many things I that I develop curiosity and interest for. Hence I should always look for things that makes me feel challenged so that I feel a strong desire and sense of purpose in life. I'm not sure if finding a job that is meaningful and impactful on other people's life is important for me as I've started to realise that I view myself as quite important but what I do know is that I wanna do something for a bigger purpose other than myself while also for myself at the same time :)

Let's keep this reflective thought going, and continue focusing and building on your strengths and values. JIAYOUS.