2025.

 Hello humans. 

It's halfway through the year of 2025. My post first for the year. This crazy woman who has found even more passion lately still has not gave up on her passion of blogging. Been trying to sleep before 12am since the start of the year, and it's been working well but I don't know what happened past month I kept falling sick (maybe cause I worked too hard to do content HAHA). I hyperventilated for the first time in my life, the feeling of going to faint anytime on the street was quite scary, even the many times I was drunk it felt nothing like that. And now I think the cororo came to be friends with me again. Just as June holidays is starting I'm supposed to hustle even harder for content!! Yeah so now I keep coughing so I couldn't sleep for the past 2 hours hence I decided to just write a blog!~ 

So... before I start writing my blog I usually like to look back on my previous posts to see what was on my mind. And dam, breakup. Those were such emo nemo pepe words :') Hello, it's been a year since I met you. I'm feeling calm, I still have nightmares from time to time. Some days no matter how hard I try I just can't not think of it. I meditate, I talk to people, I find work to do, (I try not to rely on alcohol anymore anw I'm allergic who am I trying to prove that I can drink alcohol zZZ) But I'm giving myself a lot a lot of grace. If I feel sick, I shall sleep early and rest. If I feel depressed, I shall do something nice for myself like buy my favourite salmon or go to the gym. (guess who already bought 3 containers of marinated salmon almost spending $100... HELP MY SALMON ADDICTION IS REAL)

I wonder who's reading my blog but I think most importantly I'm reading it. I know the words you say to yourself are super powerful but I think my blog is my only safe space where I really am 100% truthful, since my TikTok now has too many people following...

For the past 2 months I've been off dating apps. I think I've reached the phase where I hate it so so much that I will never ever return to it again even if I stay single for life. Also recently, I have no desire to date and I'm not even crushing on anybody. When I'm interested in someone, I ask them up a couple of times and concluded that they will never be interested in me. I get sick in the stomach when I think that guys I like will never like me back because I want to be me and when I'm the real me it's not the type guys like. So I surrender and tell myself I'm gonna be an artist, be in my own head, my own world and no one will be able to understand me. I will speak alien. That way I will never have to keep thinking about appealing, attraction... relationship. SERIOUSLY, ENOUGH.

2025 has also been a big financial BOOBOO I'm struggling so much and I feel miserable that I barely have enough cash to do one dance thing and nothing spare left. I mean I haven't been dancing much cause I want to focus on work so I guess being broke gives me no choice. It's ok she said she's a hustler we don't need money I can train myself and still be awesome. My only hopes for my life now is to USE MY BRAIN harder on how to grow my content + plan a first successful public slow stitching event and I'll be very happy!!

 

To have things to look forward to is a form of happiness too. 

Meeting a CNA reporter for interview tomorrow because she's gonna feature my story of being a trichotillomania advocate yay. Not in my era of the prettiest/ hottest girl that's every guy's type but in my era of BEING SO FUCKING BRAVE THAT NO ONE CAN DENY MY COURAGE. And I'm a solid 9/10 man. I hope along the lines of no guys find me attractive, I can at least inspire some kids to be like: Wa this jiejie so cool I wanna grow up like her.