2026

 Hello, 

The biggest update that I needed to say between the period that I was away, is that I dyed my hair pink and I shaved it all away again <3 

Every time I come back here I feel like a little girl again writing my thoughts down. Today is one of those days where I'm just home alone, not lazing on the bed binge watching dating shows but instead I picked up some markers, got a blank canvas and started writing all the words that has inspired me in 2025.

Reading back on my last post in 2025, yes you did the CNA interview and you got pretty recognisable in public after that HAHA. 2025 was honestly an exciting year for me in terms of content creation. Even though I didn't become super popular, there were many firsts in content creation for me. Comic con, paid gigs, getting invited to events, receiving PR gifts, dating show. WELL, it wasn't a lot but it was all NEW stuff shocking my system constantly. That helped me get rid of my sadness a lot.

I remember the set-up where I would write most of my blogposts from. In my old house, in my room, with my roller chair, and I would freely type my mind away. I really found a lot of joy in blogging last time. And now while doing all the creative things (yesterday I just did a vision board which I'm really proud of, today I wrote that creative scribbles and went for a tattoo apprenticeship consultation), I just felt like coming here to this blog. And because I always do things based on how I'm feeling~

I've been writing a lot, everyday for 7 weeks, 3 pages a day. Thats more than 50 entries of me scrambling through my thoughts. I've been through so many topics, self-worth (talking about self- worth I also reached out to a counsellor for a session but she hasn't replied, it's been 5 days?), heartbreaks, attraction, motivation... EVERYTHING. Hence I'm thinking: 'How do I write on here a little more purposefully so that when I come back to visit this page awhile later, it would be more meaningful?' A horrible part about adulting is that you want to do everything with intention and meaning. It's good and bad. But I think some things could really have been a lot simpler. I remember in the past, I used to write about how I feel about my friends, all the appreciation posts in my blog. And I would ask my friends to visit my blog to read them. Now looking back, I think it was me trying to get their attention because I want people to read about my life and read what I had to say. Also, nowadays we are so trained to think of 'how do I add value' or 'what would the other person want to hear from me', because we want to be likeable (EW) that we seldom really include all those TMIs.. I've been learning the quote 'silence is gold' pretty well now and maybe it did make me a little more powerful in terms of first impression but it also took away some of my sparkle and excitement.

2026, I'm 30. Interestingly enough, I decided I wanna go back to living when I'm 15. Planning all the passion projects I wanted to be a part of, all the new skills I want to learn, pursuing hobbies and not having to think whether I can make money out of it. From 25 (when I went to pursue dance) till 29.... I felt like my life has an intense pursuit of adulting. Even though I'm not doing the corporate life like every one out there. I also felt the pressure to prove myself, to work hard and show something. And now I decided that I just want to do things that makes myself happy.

I'm not sure if I'm starting to understand who I am better, or have I just been evolving non stop hence the need to constantly learn about myself again.  But at least now I'm quite clear on the type of life I want to live (at least in 2026 HAHA), so bad at forward planning just because I don't like my life to be restricted. 

I'm really gonna approach life like I'm 15 again, but with the self- protection of a 30 years old. A promise to myself is that even though I've been hurt quite a bit, not by people but by life circumstances... I want to try putting my walls down again and be hopeful for love (not just romantic relationship, but any form of support and trust). I will talk about all the things I want to do without fear of judgement, I will confess to my crush and keep pursuing him till he rejects me. Honestly the thought of all these makes me smile... because it really reminds me of the time where I wasn't afraid of judgment, I wasn't afraid of failure, I was just so excited to try everything new in life, and I always followed my gut feeling of if I feel this much about something/ someone, I must definitely do something about it.. I baked cookies and wrote unless cards and put under the desk of my crush, and bought him flowers on valentines day (really brave and really cute)- I think I'm doing the right thing. 

In 2026,

I wanna be a model.

I wanna be part of a creator fam.

I wanna pick up drums (currently doing so), guitar, piano again.

I wanna learn DJaying at the second half of the year.

I wanna take up tattooing apprenticeship.

I wanna learn how to sing.

I wanna love myself so so so so so so so so so so so so much more.

(That's it end of announcement).

Will be hosting a community vision board making event soon. Not that I'm inviting you but I just wanna remember the things that pull my heartstrings in the moment on Jan 2026.

-probably gonna go play some piano after this, and send my audition clip into a company that's casting.

love y'all. I don't hope to inspire you, I just hope you sense my pure heart.