OVER
19/3/12
Ihateyou . iReallyHateYou. I'mSorry. I'veGotNoOtherChoice,
I NEED TO HATE YOU.
A YEAR. I tried so hard. It's not self proclaimed, everyone around with eyes and heart can tell. So many ups and downs, because of you from Aug 10-Dec10. So many ups and downs, because of you from Dec 10-March 12. It's more than a fucking year. I'm not typing in rage but i'm typing in agony. It has really been that long? Stupid me. Valentines, birthdays, music covers. I really feel like forgetting everything. Zhen de. Give me a choice again, i used to say i'll do it again. But now, give me a choice again, i'll never do it again. 4 months of happiness in exchange of 15 months of agony. Not worth it. I can be independent and strong, all by myself, and happy everyday. Yet i hate myself for allowing someone to affect me this much.
I'm tearing real hard now as i'm writing this. I really have no idea what i'm gonna do. Just found out some things, which i'm really thankful for. How harsh the truth is, it ends my agony early. I wanna write a letter to you, tell you to please throw away all those letters and cards i spent so much efforts doing. I'm always more of a sincerity person and you're always more of a expensive gifts person. I wonder do you ever feel that i am cheap because all those things that i spent hours and hours doing for you really means much much more than what money can buy. I wanna tell you i'm sorry, i don't have the courage to tell you all this face to face. Yes it's my o's this year. It's yours too. I have to end it, i have to do something, i'm told you let you know all that i'm feeling, end it once for all. But i'm not sure if i should. Cause you seemed so much more stressed than me, one person suffer better than two. Afterall, i still like you, i won't want to see the person i like suffering.
To be honest, maybe i'm a spoilt kid. But since young, i've always gotten everything i wanted. I've been living with the saying of 'with hard work comes reward', and everytime i really want something badly, i work real hard for it, i always get it. But now, i'm counselling myself with this 'it takes two hands to clap, you can't force love.' I was hoping for all and all that i did... I know it has been more than a year, it's normal for guys to not have any feelings for a girl after such a long period of time right? But it didn't matter to me, as long as i know your heart's still vacant, i'll keep trying, because theres hope. Everyone's telling me to stop, give up, move on, for someone better. They tell me i deserve better than this. Doesn't this all just sounds like a typical tragic love story? I keep trying, hopefully one day i'll manage to touch you with the many things i did for you, not with money, but with my heart and efforts.
It strucked me, is it karma? Last time, i treated J.L that way. He was so nice, so sweet, did so much things for me just like how i did so much things for you. But i didn't do anything. And i hurt him badly, because i lied using studies as an excuse but in the end i got together with you. Isn't history repeating? Just that i'm him now and you're me. Now i finally understood how he was feeling...
You and her.Me and you....
Although u guys are not together yet... but i know you like her and she likes you. I should be happy for you guys right? I'm not telling you because i don't wanna be a bitch and spoil the relationship. Trust me, don't scold me stupid. It has been really hard on me. But since i started it, i can choose to end it my way.
To you.
I'm sorry once again. I can't face you the way we've been trying to be like normal friends. I can't. Since long ago i knew that this path only leads to 2 destinations. And i'm the one i least prefer, but it's fate? I've finally gave in the fate. However, this path comes with price. I'm sorry, i'm just gonna be so selfish for once. I can't be friends with you again. Because every moment that we're gonna share will just make things even harder for me in future, and remind me of every moment we used to share. I've had enough of this. I need to save myself. I can't bring myself to hate you.
but
well said.
I'm gonna have to act like i don't know you and avoid you. SOrry i'm not strong enough to handle this. Hence i've choosen the easier path to escape from reality and slowly let what we used to have be forgotten.
Ihateyou . iReallyHateYou. I'mSorry. I'veGotNoOtherChoice,
I NEED TO HATE YOU.
A YEAR. I tried so hard. It's not self proclaimed, everyone around with eyes and heart can tell. So many ups and downs, because of you from Aug 10-Dec10. So many ups and downs, because of you from Dec 10-March 12. It's more than a fucking year. I'm not typing in rage but i'm typing in agony. It has really been that long? Stupid me. Valentines, birthdays, music covers. I really feel like forgetting everything. Zhen de. Give me a choice again, i used to say i'll do it again. But now, give me a choice again, i'll never do it again. 4 months of happiness in exchange of 15 months of agony. Not worth it. I can be independent and strong, all by myself, and happy everyday. Yet i hate myself for allowing someone to affect me this much.
I'm tearing real hard now as i'm writing this. I really have no idea what i'm gonna do. Just found out some things, which i'm really thankful for. How harsh the truth is, it ends my agony early. I wanna write a letter to you, tell you to please throw away all those letters and cards i spent so much efforts doing. I'm always more of a sincerity person and you're always more of a expensive gifts person. I wonder do you ever feel that i am cheap because all those things that i spent hours and hours doing for you really means much much more than what money can buy. I wanna tell you i'm sorry, i don't have the courage to tell you all this face to face. Yes it's my o's this year. It's yours too. I have to end it, i have to do something, i'm told you let you know all that i'm feeling, end it once for all. But i'm not sure if i should. Cause you seemed so much more stressed than me, one person suffer better than two. Afterall, i still like you, i won't want to see the person i like suffering.
To be honest, maybe i'm a spoilt kid. But since young, i've always gotten everything i wanted. I've been living with the saying of 'with hard work comes reward', and everytime i really want something badly, i work real hard for it, i always get it. But now, i'm counselling myself with this 'it takes two hands to clap, you can't force love.' I was hoping for all and all that i did... I know it has been more than a year, it's normal for guys to not have any feelings for a girl after such a long period of time right? But it didn't matter to me, as long as i know your heart's still vacant, i'll keep trying, because theres hope. Everyone's telling me to stop, give up, move on, for someone better. They tell me i deserve better than this. Doesn't this all just sounds like a typical tragic love story? I keep trying, hopefully one day i'll manage to touch you with the many things i did for you, not with money, but with my heart and efforts.
It strucked me, is it karma? Last time, i treated J.L that way. He was so nice, so sweet, did so much things for me just like how i did so much things for you. But i didn't do anything. And i hurt him badly, because i lied using studies as an excuse but in the end i got together with you. Isn't history repeating? Just that i'm him now and you're me. Now i finally understood how he was feeling...
You and her.
Although u guys are not together yet... but i know you like her and she likes you. I should be happy for you guys right? I'm not telling you because i don't wanna be a bitch and spoil the relationship. Trust me, don't scold me stupid. It has been really hard on me. But since i started it, i can choose to end it my way.
To you.
I'm sorry once again. I can't face you the way we've been trying to be like normal friends. I can't. Since long ago i knew that this path only leads to 2 destinations. And i'm the one i least prefer, but it's fate? I've finally gave in the fate. However, this path comes with price. I'm sorry, i'm just gonna be so selfish for once. I can't be friends with you again. Because every moment that we're gonna share will just make things even harder for me in future, and remind me of every moment we used to share. I've had enough of this. I need to save myself. I can't bring myself to hate you.
but
well said.
STRANGERS TO LOVERS, LOVERS TO STRANGERS AGAIN.
I'm gonna have to act like i don't know you and avoid you. SOrry i'm not strong enough to handle this. Hence i've choosen the easier path to escape from reality and slowly let what we used to have be forgotten.
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