Time flies
Time flies, a month have passed like that. This is probably gonna be my last activity to end off my slack spa (Science Practical Assessment) holiday and head to work. This post is gonna be all about school work.
HECTIC.
There'll always be 2 situations before you received back a test paper with horrendous results.
1) I don't give a damn, i didn't study it, I expected it.
2) Secretly hoping that you'll fare average (not even extraordinary well cause others have put in effort as well, just average you know, from a fail to an average means a lot to me)
For the past 5 months (Feb to June), i was always in a situation like number 1. It's not that I entirely didn't study, but the amount of effort I placed in was really minimal. So when results came back, I felt alright cause I know that's not my true ability.
After 5 months of living in a situation like that, have I forgotten how to work and perform to my fullest ability? The latest 2 lecture tests, chemistry and math, I flunked it despite studying really hard for it. Before the test, when revising with friends, it's clear that I'm on the same pace cause I can understand what they're discussing about and not lost like the usual days. Practiced a lot of practice papers, from cannot do till can do. Cause they said other than reading, the main skill is applying (which i previously always didn't) so i practiced, yea i did.
Situation number 2, secretly hoping, horrendous results. Friends around you all scoring way better. Friends that told you on the day of the test that 'die ah, hope i can pass, didn't study much yesterday night.' No i'm not blaming them, but i'm just starting to doubt myself. And they did pass, and you failed. Like WTS SERIOUSLY. What have I been doing camping at Mac donalds during weekends doing the revision. Hard work doesn't pay off? It's really making me doubt myself, like... okay.. so, I've basically really gave my all to prepare for this test, but the results is... which means if there's no other better reasons, the best reason is i'm just stupid. But no i refuse to believe that i'm stupid, and i don't think i am. During lectures, i can grasp new theories and still explain it to my friends who got it slower.
I know most people will say, it's okay, just learn from your mistakes and move on. I know you may really mean well but seriously, easier said than done. You're not the one who's scoring this low marks and feel so demoralised.
Because of my results, I feel like I'm being discriminated you know. It's not a conscious action but unconsciously, people refuse to include my participation during any discussion or when they have questions academic-wise. *Look left, sees Lynette*, ask the person on the right instead. I know it's unconscious but dude you just hurt me, i felt it. I know the answer, why don't you ask me, why don't you engage me in the discussion, it's an evil cycle cause those who discussed and went through the thought process will definitely get better.
Also, i hate it when people speak in a way that makes you feel so inferior. Its like just their tone and message delivers the hidden status of 'i'm better than you, i'm more superior'. Do you really think you're better? What on Earth happened to equality? This playing field, you may be better, but you do you have to be so egoistic? God is fair, i will be better in other areas but overall, we're balanced, equal. There's just too many this type of people in JC and it's giving me inferiority complex issues. Maybe it's due to the stark increase in competitiveness....]
And this makes me miss hougang secondary school so so much. There isn't so much competition, i miss the people there, and the teachers there.
You may say it's just the by-product of growing up, entering adulthood and exposing yourself to reality. But once again, you don't come and point fingers at me and tell me this is life and start thinking you're more exposed, mature.
NOPE.
Maturity comes in the form of actions, not speech.
Cause talk is cheap.
Everyone knows the concept, but only the few that struggled through it and survived, are deemed to be mature.
Of course after this post, i'm gonna get back up on my feet and study again. Not gonna emo and just die here.. I just needed to .. RANT.
HECTIC.
There'll always be 2 situations before you received back a test paper with horrendous results.
1) I don't give a damn, i didn't study it, I expected it.
2) Secretly hoping that you'll fare average (not even extraordinary well cause others have put in effort as well, just average you know, from a fail to an average means a lot to me)
For the past 5 months (Feb to June), i was always in a situation like number 1. It's not that I entirely didn't study, but the amount of effort I placed in was really minimal. So when results came back, I felt alright cause I know that's not my true ability.
After 5 months of living in a situation like that, have I forgotten how to work and perform to my fullest ability? The latest 2 lecture tests, chemistry and math, I flunked it despite studying really hard for it. Before the test, when revising with friends, it's clear that I'm on the same pace cause I can understand what they're discussing about and not lost like the usual days. Practiced a lot of practice papers, from cannot do till can do. Cause they said other than reading, the main skill is applying (which i previously always didn't) so i practiced, yea i did.
Situation number 2, secretly hoping, horrendous results. Friends around you all scoring way better. Friends that told you on the day of the test that 'die ah, hope i can pass, didn't study much yesterday night.' No i'm not blaming them, but i'm just starting to doubt myself. And they did pass, and you failed. Like WTS SERIOUSLY. What have I been doing camping at Mac donalds during weekends doing the revision. Hard work doesn't pay off? It's really making me doubt myself, like... okay.. so, I've basically really gave my all to prepare for this test, but the results is... which means if there's no other better reasons, the best reason is i'm just stupid. But no i refuse to believe that i'm stupid, and i don't think i am. During lectures, i can grasp new theories and still explain it to my friends who got it slower.
I know most people will say, it's okay, just learn from your mistakes and move on. I know you may really mean well but seriously, easier said than done. You're not the one who's scoring this low marks and feel so demoralised.
Because of my results, I feel like I'm being discriminated you know. It's not a conscious action but unconsciously, people refuse to include my participation during any discussion or when they have questions academic-wise. *Look left, sees Lynette*, ask the person on the right instead. I know it's unconscious but dude you just hurt me, i felt it. I know the answer, why don't you ask me, why don't you engage me in the discussion, it's an evil cycle cause those who discussed and went through the thought process will definitely get better.
Also, i hate it when people speak in a way that makes you feel so inferior. Its like just their tone and message delivers the hidden status of 'i'm better than you, i'm more superior'. Do you really think you're better? What on Earth happened to equality? This playing field, you may be better, but you do you have to be so egoistic? God is fair, i will be better in other areas but overall, we're balanced, equal. There's just too many this type of people in JC and it's giving me inferiority complex issues. Maybe it's due to the stark increase in competitiveness....]
And this makes me miss hougang secondary school so so much. There isn't so much competition, i miss the people there, and the teachers there.
You may say it's just the by-product of growing up, entering adulthood and exposing yourself to reality. But once again, you don't come and point fingers at me and tell me this is life and start thinking you're more exposed, mature.
NOPE.
Maturity comes in the form of actions, not speech.
Cause talk is cheap.
Everyone knows the concept, but only the few that struggled through it and survived, are deemed to be mature.
Of course after this post, i'm gonna get back up on my feet and study again. Not gonna emo and just die here.. I just needed to .. RANT.
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