Nothing's wrong

It seems like my whole life (everything in life), to me, is a contradiction.  Honestly speaking, I've never ever fully trusted anyone before. Of course there'll be periods of time where you and your friend are very close, then u feel like you really trusted her for that moment.  But surroundings change and that 'feel' of trust is gone again.  Its not like she did anything,  its just time. Time dilutes everything. 

I have friends who tell me, I should trust more,  I should open up more. But dude,  who's gonna give me a chance to do that? We're living in a society where everyone's so obsessed about themselves. Myself myself and just myself.  Who's mature enough to see and ADMIT that yes, Im not always right instead of always arguing your point.  I need to open up. I need a person  whom I can trust to talk to right. But who is mature enough to be a good listener and not a debator or talk in the I hate most way (im more superior,  im right u should see from my point of view). 'No its not like that,  you have to understand. ..'  dude its not that im not appreciative of your suggestions but u're just making me feel worse. So far my whole life,  I think the only friend that helped me tide through a period of tough friend was Brandon.  As he's older,  the things he say wad really sensible,  encouraging and in no way demanding.

I know its the 21st century but really,  what's wrong with being uncomfortable with guys. Like seriously wth. We socialize and bond through our speech and actions not through skin ship right -.- and of course some people see nothing uncomfortable about hugs with opposite gender friends, there's no reason why they should judge people who feel uncomfortable as a wrong and conservative mindset.  To me, even if I do give the hug,  it won't be genuine,  what's the point?  And the only only person I'll feel comfortable hugging is my boyfriend, not even my best friend.

Next,  what is the true meaning volunteer work? It is an act or kindness that benefits your soul, make you a happier & more grateful person

You know what's the saddest thing? People nowadays are only motivated by benefits.  If it benefits ME, I do. If not why should I. ME is the big picture. This self centered mindset is driven by our lousy quality of life. With a frustrated face and rushing for time momentum everyday.  Being mean to others to put yourself in a better position because that"s what others do to me so there's nothing wrong I do the same things back. My mind set all along is as long as I am of help and can help, I'll do my best to help. Maybe back then when society was less complex, more people had the same mentality as me. But now, so many other factors come in like for the greater good. Pure kindness just sounds like something dumb people will offer and leave themselves naked in this judgemental world.

This post is with no intention of shooting anyone, im just voicing my thoughts based on conversations I had and heard.

There's different things everyone believe in, just like how I DONT BELIEVE IN FATE. And  nothing makes a choice more superior than the other.  Its just how you see it. O.o