Accused and hurt

Hi guys.

So this is life, blogging over a cup of laksa Maggie. To begin, let me give a brief background of how I came to JC2. Basically, I was never those 'smart' students and during O's prelim I still had 2 F9 and a C6. Last year, despite being in the best class, like my class was the top overall in cohort, I was the last in class. I didn't clear my Promotional examinations, which I did study for. I took the re exam, also known as R paper in some schools. And the school told me that I'm capable of advancing to year 2. So here I am, lost and helpless. 

For those who are curious about why was I so study in jc1, I had external hiphop classes every Sunday and piano lessons, I attempted ballet too in the midst of some time in the year. This year, I stopped everything except hiphop, so.. Good achievement xD

A lot of my friends have told me the same thing of setting my priorities right, but I take the advice half heartedly. This year, I'm very aware that A level is like the biggest kaboom, and because of this I'm also a lil stressed up.. I know so far this short year I've spent much more time facing the books, although I reckon it's productive studying cause the motivation is lacking. I am the type of person who needs to make myself fully fully fulllllly occupied for the day and not too much excess time before I can get to the task. So to me, outside  commitments really motivate me because it makes me more aware of the super limited time I have and to make full use of it. But I know many of you will say, results have shown that I can't cope yea... Yea I can't.. 

I'm really nervous about the upcoming tests of the year as its gonna show has my effort paid off or was it in vain. I am determined to do well, I hate the feeling whereby the whole class is disappointed getting a B instead of A yet I didn't even pass. I know it's not whether I can do it or not, it's if I want to or not, right?!

But studying for the whole day everyday is really taxing me out and I feel so tired, and I try my best to stay hyper, chirpy and happy in school everyday. Every day when I come home from school, I have to face my mum which has massive mood swings... She'll either force me to do her music recording stuff for the whole night (causing me to burn midnight oil for hw and revision) or threatening to throw away everything in the house cause I didn't put it properly. The annoying part is when you're trying to do your work and focus but she keeps disrupting you asking you to wash dishes, off the light in the kitchen out of nowhere. And I really avoid making her angry cause of her condition, I'll just stay silent and abide by what she says. 

But being greeted by this after a whole long day in school (till 9pm, school close) really isn't a good feeling. The place where seek comfort is the place where your troubles build up. I really wish there was this special someone, not just anyone, but someone special whom I feel comfortable to call to and feels comfortable to listen to me rant about these part and Parcel of my f'ed up day. 

I may appear quite loud and rowdy, but I'm never showing my true self. 

Till now, I shall return to my books and stay motivated .

Remember to come SRJC for open house tmr ;)