I hate november
Hello.
November and December has always got to be the worst months of my life.
Last year, I just broke up, this year, i'm facing so much family issues.
Seriously i'm dealt with so much tests in my life.. Right now i'm overwhelmed with so much fear, i have difficulty breathing, my hearts wrenched up and my stomach feels tied up like a knot. I am paralyzed by fear. I know there are still alot more things waiting to be done by me, I am caught between giving up and screaming help, that I'm not okay and between acting like everything's well and staying strong.
I never considered growing up hard but i did grow up in a broken family. Never thought it had much impact on me until I grew up and the consequences hit me. I try so hard to be my very best yet I do not understand why do God or whoever's up there give me so many challenges to face. My broken family led me to developing some issues myself too when I grew up. I still tried so hard to be okay. To do more and not let it limit me. But there is a limit of how much one can take. I'm so numb.. I seldom feel sadness, seldom feel anger, seldom feel fear, seldom feel happiness. No body really loves me, no body is able to accept who I am. I'm trying to accept myself and be my best.. every single day, and tell myself it doesn't matter if i've got no friends, if i got no one who loves me, i just gotta keep trying and don't give up. I'm not weak, I've really battled a lot and fought very hard and tried with whatever strength and resilience I have to face my setbacks. BUT REALLY WHY IS LIFE AS A 22 YEARS OLD SO FUCKING HARD.
At times like this, I feel so alone. I don't know what to do, I know I have a lot of things to do, yet I can't do anything. I am feeling so much in my brain that I don't even know what to feel. I decided that since I don't have anyone I can talk to, I decided to write it down here. I still have a long night to go and a lot of things to do. I hope I can pull through, I hope I can be strong like how I always am. I hope things will eventually become better, I'm still keeping faith. Most important of all, I hope I can stay strong and not let my condition have an upper hand. I know all too well these symptoms, i need to stop it.
I hope that I can learn to trust people.
November and December has always got to be the worst months of my life.
Last year, I just broke up, this year, i'm facing so much family issues.
Seriously i'm dealt with so much tests in my life.. Right now i'm overwhelmed with so much fear, i have difficulty breathing, my hearts wrenched up and my stomach feels tied up like a knot. I am paralyzed by fear. I know there are still alot more things waiting to be done by me, I am caught between giving up and screaming help, that I'm not okay and between acting like everything's well and staying strong.
I never considered growing up hard but i did grow up in a broken family. Never thought it had much impact on me until I grew up and the consequences hit me. I try so hard to be my very best yet I do not understand why do God or whoever's up there give me so many challenges to face. My broken family led me to developing some issues myself too when I grew up. I still tried so hard to be okay. To do more and not let it limit me. But there is a limit of how much one can take. I'm so numb.. I seldom feel sadness, seldom feel anger, seldom feel fear, seldom feel happiness. No body really loves me, no body is able to accept who I am. I'm trying to accept myself and be my best.. every single day, and tell myself it doesn't matter if i've got no friends, if i got no one who loves me, i just gotta keep trying and don't give up. I'm not weak, I've really battled a lot and fought very hard and tried with whatever strength and resilience I have to face my setbacks. BUT REALLY WHY IS LIFE AS A 22 YEARS OLD SO FUCKING HARD.
At times like this, I feel so alone. I don't know what to do, I know I have a lot of things to do, yet I can't do anything. I am feeling so much in my brain that I don't even know what to feel. I decided that since I don't have anyone I can talk to, I decided to write it down here. I still have a long night to go and a lot of things to do. I hope I can pull through, I hope I can be strong like how I always am. I hope things will eventually become better, I'm still keeping faith. Most important of all, I hope I can stay strong and not let my condition have an upper hand. I know all too well these symptoms, i need to stop it.
I hope that I can learn to trust people.
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