Head over Heart

 It's crazy that time just keeps passing. I realise that we don't really share that much memories together and when I keep replaying and replaying, the recorder runs through very quickly. There's only so 'much' experiences that we shared together. We were together for almost 3 months... and now we're separated for almost the duration of us being together. And it's crazy that time is going to keep passing and the time spent being away from you would start becoming longer and longer compared to the time that we had. Recently I'm into this sadness. Not the great depression but just deep, but not heavy, sadness. To pinpoint it exactly, I miss you. I'm not sure what I'm missing. The memory of us or you. I am no longer extremely curious about how are you or how's your life, but many things still remind me of you non stop day to day and instead of sadness... where it's something I lost, it's ... longing for something I can never have. I have...

   Our body knows. It's crazy how there's so many levels of intimacy. The level that I appear to be infront of everyone. The level I show on my vlog. The level I show on tiktok nowadays. The level I show to my close friends. The level I write on this blog.  I have a lot inertia writing this post because the thoughts run too deep and it's gonna take a lot of effort unpacking them. But again, something I need and want to do for myself as a means of growth and documenting. 'An unexamined life is not worth living.' Those bad feelings that came, 2 weeks before the breakup happened, were real. That's why I said 'our body knows.' After the breakup, I was extremely depressed. My physical body broke down too. I had a lot of injuries, and I lost my passion for life and dance as well. It's really crazy how much I let one person rule my life. I had to journal on my physical journal almost everyday, because the emotions were too intense and everyday I felt like p...

 TWO POSTS IN THE SAME MONTH WHATS UP I was so happy with everything I gained in the past 2 months of dating. Everything at the start really went  so well, someone that I would never have imagined, so sweet, so loving...its so crazy cause I almost gave up on this thing called love then this relationship found me. And gave me hope. Then about half a month ago, things STARTED going downhill. We get into quarrels for the smallest thing. We took the shortest amount of time to connect with each other,  to trust each other, to have faith in where this was going, and it also started going down the fastest way possible. Maybe it's because we also grew too comfortable with each other too quickly, too many expectations and I would say the courtship ended too quickly too. The downfall of the relationship happened exactly like how I imagined, because we are both very emotional and we are too involved in our own emotional world. That it's hard to reach out when we need each other....

How many birthdays have I spent on here. Sometimes I'm pretty amazed by myself, I find my perseverance pretty amazing. There's things that I've been doing since a long time ago and it still holds dear to me. I don't seem to get sick of it, I guess my loyalty game strong HAHA Every year when I look back at my posts I really get more and more appalled at how chirpy I sound. Maybe my mind has never been that positive but the way I present myself, in real life or through texts like this, I tend to word it in a more positive way cause I know that one day I'll look back at it and in a way I want to remember that my life isn't that bad? :') Honestly, many thoughts in my mind these ways. In fact, all these time and somehow today blogger found its way to me. On my birthday this year, I planned for a class teaching and gathered all my close friends together for a meal. I'm guessing all my introvert friends hate it when I do that, but I secretly love it when I see ...