POST-MID YEAR

Reflection

  I realised that I really need to work harder... Sitting among my classmates, learning that my class 1SR17 getting the top of the cohort & knowing that I didn't contribute at all (in fact pull them down...), the feeling was horrible. It makes me feel like a burden (slang) and I guess inferior would be the right word to use in this context.

in·fe·ri·or

  [in-feer-ee-er]  Show IPA
adjective
1.
lower in station, rank, degree, or grade (often followed by to  ):a rank inferior to colonel.
2.
lower in place or position; closer to the bottom or base:descending into the inferior regions of the earth.
3.
of comparatively low grade; poor in quality; substandard.
4.
less important, valuable, or worthy:
5.
acting or performing in a way that is comparatively poor or mediocre.

Okay guys, can you all feel the negativity of this situation yet? HAH. 

Today, looking at the classmates going up the stage during Dean's list presentation, cheering for them, I felt some kind of bitterness in me. Indeed I am very happy and proud of them, but I guess the bitterness comes from the fact that I realised I actually wannna be up there too, on the stage. It's a little too late and I'm a little too far from them.

This realisation did make me more stress but I believe certain amount of stress is healthy is keeping us on the go. For now, I am very determined in doing well in my academics. I used to say "I want to do well" all the time, but this time it's different. I feel a motivation because within me I really really> wanna do well. (The irony here when people like me with a limited range of vocabulary fail to express the intensity of my adjective.) 

I also realised that my studying method is wrong. I never understood the meaning of study smart, studying strategies. In the past, studying was just plain black'n'white studying to me. Then I came to observe more and more people doing better than me with lesser bull effort. Now i roughly know where I went wrong and I will try my best to change my habits. But being so used to my old studying method, I will be realistic and give myself a period of time to adapt. 

Also, I need to have a follow-up plan and I've given a brief thought about it. My nearest milestone will be my A Level Chinese Oral examinations which is a week away. I will do my best, and when I say best, I mean by this : 

best

  [best]  Show IPA
adjective superl. of good with better as compar.
1.
of the highest quality, excellence, or standing: the best work; thebest students.


and


ex·cel·lence

  [ek-suh-luhns]  Show IPA
noun

Antonyms 
 inferiority.

which is the antonym of what I'm feeling now. 


I WILL DO THE BEST WITH ALL THAT I HAVE AND ALL THAT I CAN.


Meanwhile, all of you people out there, stay on task, work hard for your goals I wish you all the best!!





/PS. 

A really short appreciation to all my friends for making my 17th birthday so meaningful. Thank you all the friends who've stayed on with me from secondary school, the friends whom have supported me in SRJC, and my family. I LOVE YOU ALL. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

2 months + post breakup

 It's crazy that time just keeps passing. I realise that we don't really share that much memories together and when I keep replaying and replaying, the recorder runs through very quickly. There's only so 'much' experiences that we shared together. We were together for almost 3 months... and now we're separated for almost the duration of us being together. And it's crazy that time is going to keep passing and the time spent being away from you would start becoming longer and longer compared to the time that we had. Recently I'm into this sadness. Not the great depression but just deep, but not heavy, sadness. To pinpoint it exactly, I miss you. I'm not sure what I'm missing. The memory of us or you. I am no longer extremely curious about how are you or how's your life, but many things still remind me of you non stop day to day and instead of sadness... where it's something I lost, it's ... longing for something I can never have. I have...
Read more

现在的我快不快乐

Image
These few days have been having really bad insomnia, lika now.. and the medicines i already took twice the dosage doesnt work :( Monday: Ronnie's hiphop beg, mega love his style and groove and just rockin' the basics. Tuesday: clarice's lyrical jazz beg and gin's hiphop intermediate. There is a reason why i stir away from contemporary/ lyrical jazz for quite awhile despite being crazily passionate just months ago... To be honest, it's due to me leaving Indancity. From being an almost untrained contemp dancer, steppng out of my comfort zone and pushing myself hard every class, how each time my body just cant get used to the intensity of the class but i told myself only through pain i will grow, till i can comfortaby do double pirouettes, fall down in a routine, and keep trying till i get it no matter how dumb i may look at the start, i told myself i just have to try double, triple the effort and i wouldnt be that far away too. Looking forward to indancity before ...
Read more

F O C U S P A R T 1 {P U N K}

Image
Introducing punk: ARE YOU A PUNK OR A POSER? I call punk a set of beliefs which guides your way of life, more than the clothing you wear. The word punk originates from music, and it is defined by its lyrics and attitude. As punks usually have a more deviant attitude, it shows in their dressing style as well. Popular culture comes in: some celebrity picks it up and turns it into a trend, causing everyone to follow that certain blue hair. These people, are then called posers because they are trying to be cool by playing punk. Proud to say, I'm both a punk and a poser. Punk rock music follower? Checked. Give credits to a rock band man instead of synchronised digital wavelengths yo. They may say the world of music is one but a good band still sets the bar. They are the kind of music you wanna rock your head to in a party. Poser? Yes I do dress a certain way to achieve a certain vibe but I gotta say that's 90% from my attitude. After scanning a whole range of nude, paste...
Read more