现在的我快不快乐

These few days have been having really bad insomnia, lika now.. and the medicines i already took twice the dosage doesnt work :(

Monday: Ronnie's hiphop beg, mega love his style and groove and just rockin' the basics.
Tuesday: clarice's lyrical jazz beg and gin's hiphop intermediate.
There is a reason why i stir away from contemporary/ lyrical jazz for quite awhile despite being crazily passionate just months ago... To be honest, it's due to me leaving Indancity. From being an almost untrained contemp dancer, steppng out of my comfort zone and pushing myself hard every class, how each time my body just cant get used to the intensity of the class but i told myself only through pain i will grow, till i can comfortaby do double pirouettes, fall down in a routine, and keep trying till i get it no matter how dumb i may look at the start, i told myself i just have to try double, triple the effort and i wouldnt be that far away too. Looking forward to indancity before SMU, looking forward to my first ever contemporary production... and it all crashed. Mom's right about one thing. People dont feel the sense of lost at that instance, it's through the passing of time that the real deal real scale sinks in. I was so motivated to improve that i was planning all my upcomimg ballet open classes but it ... just shattered. After that, i focused on hiphop and teaching because my hiphop is nowhere near good as well... i make sure that since now i'm only focused on 1 genre, i willl whack it till it'd damn good. Recently, there were indancity workshops, i really wanted to go, to visit my friends and explain and apologise about how abruptly i left cause i just didnt know how to deal with the situation at that time. However, it clashes with my dance teaching ... there are really quite a few indancity friends that i miss a lot, supported me and helped me so much in class.. that i had fun with, this abrupt disconnection... im sorry :(

So since then i havent been in touch with contemporary. And since i wasn't that good in the first place, the longer i lost touch, the more i fear going back into class and looking like a fool. Being in indancity was the first time i felt comfortable in a contemporary skin. Hence, going to clarice's lyrical jazz class was really a push, firstly motivated because my best friend wenle was really eager to go and secondly because it's time to face myself. Lyrical jazz was good except that it was packeddddd. Crazily suffocating... had to split into 3 groups to roll around and spin around and jump around. Because of the crowd didnt really get a chance to check myself out in the mirror (u know mirrors are the most important thing to a dancer), hopefully i didn't look that bad. Felt kinda restricted too, not because of the space constrain but more of a mental restriction. Hey yo you think dance is that easy? You just go in and look good? Haha

Gin's hiphop inter was inspiring. I never explored those steps before and certainly added to my dance vocabs. Recently in hiphop i'm trying to achieve more control than strength but when i look at gin, she reminds me of the beauty of strength (only when you are able to control it so well like her...) kinda jealous of the Emix people from SMU who get to learn from her but oh well my decisiom was firm from the start.

Wednesday: caught Batman v.s. Superman with minjia. She appears in almost every other of my blog posts... i rate is 6.5/10 mehh cause its really ironic how wonderwoman came into tne picture but hands down gal gadot is hot. Was saying why do they have to potray woman heroes as boobs and buns ... its totally still due to the discrimination of woman as sex objects, WHICH IS PROMINENT IN MEDIA AKA THIS MOVIE. But i love one line said by Lois (superman's lover). "I didnt know i was going to be interviewed by a lady." Lois: "i am a journalist, not a lady." Woah, salute. And that crazy guy Lex Luthor was really pissin me off each time he starts mumbling but the extent that he annoys me deserves an Oscar Award man that acting on point totally absorbed into the role. Spoiler alert!! Superman died. Superheroes motto of life: 牺牲小我，完成大我. You must die of the nation, for the citizen to be worthy of that title hahah. And behind every hero (successful man), there is a greater woman. meow well it has got to be this way to not lose its gist, its CLASSIC.

Had dinner in an expensive food republic with plastic tasting hokkien mee $7 tsk.

Shopped around for cosmetic and hanged around in town with me being high and laughing about every single thing as usual. And me spazzing about NOTHING HAHAHA

This girl taught me how to give in, how to think more for others and make me more mindful of other people's needs. She also taught me that eyebrow pencil can be used as bronzer HAHAHAH JK. SHE MAKES ME WANNA SING LOVE SONGS TO HER. Gonna be awhile till i see you again as i'm gonna get busy with my dance stuffs EVERYDAY, thanks for spending your wed with me 💞💞💞