Some day
the things i've dreamed of, that is easily simple happiness for everyone will be my happiness too.
Recovery Day 11
Discovering new things about myself every day and it's interesting. So today right, I got back into my work mode and was clearing all my administrative planning stuffs for concert. Had 42 active conversations in whatsapp and telegram just from today you know thats how much stuffs I was trying to settle with different people.
So there was this letter that I'm suppose to write as the chairman of concert lah. Then I draft the letter freaking at least 2 times every day, with new amendments every time and this has been going on for a week and can you believe the letter is still not settled yet? So I'm really freaking tilted lah because each time I thought ok this is gonna be the FINAL FINAL DRAFT, then i send in to my boss and there's stuffs to change again.. and it's never finishing even though it's supposed to be a very simple letter. Also, my working style is "take and go", no regrets one haha. And I'm definitely not a perfectionist. So usually my work is at it's 90% potential right, i'll just take it and go already. I won't refine it 20 more times to let it reach 99.9999% i'm just not that kind of person lah. I don't like to do something too many times as long as I did my best that is it. Even for my school work, I will at most vet through 2-3 times and I'll submit. Even if I got a B grade instead of A, I wouldn't fault myself for not having tried harder. But this freaking letter I've vetted SOOO MANY TIMES that it's more serious than the essays i'm writing in school. That I'm honestly a little annoyed because it is also the issue of the person who i'm working with that is damn indecisive and one of his changes in decision cause freaking a lot of work for me to follow up you know why can't people just decide, do it and not change it not regret it. STICK TO IT.
Also, another thing that made me tilted today was this girl who attended my class and kept requesting for the video. I seldom feel my capacity to feel anger that I'm really really angsty instead of sad. Most of the time, my anger will dissociate into sadness as I'm more of a sad person than angry person.
One of the situations I hate the most is when you're doing something out of good will and people are demanding, harassing, bugging you for it because of some sense of entitlement that I have no idea where the F they get it from. I'm doing you a favor, I don't owe you a favor. So you are the one receiving the favor you jolly well wait with a good attitude. The best part is she go around telling all the people around her and make them on her side to flame me and now other than her, the rest of them are all coming to harass me.
There are too many things that I face on a day to day basis that I always find myself telling myself, why am I still dealing with such stuff, I thought people my age are over this phase already. Can they grow up pls...
But one thing i'm glad that is happening more recently is that I'm starting to rant more to my friends! Which I see it as a good thing because last time i'm so numb that I don't even bother complaining. But now when I'm angst I'll vent my angst to my friend on the spot and I feel more alive. Because something that should make me angry happened and i'm angry and that is the correct response.
Also, I hate it when some people are just such poor team players. I always believe that to be a good leader, you must be a good follower (team player). You must set an example to your followers that you are able to meet the demands that you set to earn their respect. You must know how it's like to be a team player so that you can be a good leader. You can't keep demanding and not give.
I know sometimes when people are assigned important roles, they see it as doing saikang because you are the stupid one doing extra jobs that people do not acknowledge you for. To me, it may be hard now to convince them to follow me but slowly and surely, i'll earn that conviction. That is when I'll say i've succeeded as a leader. That is where my sense of accomplishment comes from, to lead a team by inspiring them to believe in me and achieving even greater things together.
I really hope i'll be able to do that.
Lastly, I really dislike texting/ small talks. So unless its work related, I probably won't reply 90% of non- work related texts and the 10% replies are purely out of courtesy which doesn't last very long HAHAAH
I'm back to the phase of having a crush and being more retarded than usual when I'm around him HAHAHA. I FEEL so dumb because I can consciously feel myself laughing at everything he says lololololol And when we're in a group and they're asking about relationships and stuffs, I'm always playing the acting dumb game and act like i'm not interested but I'm actually listening to everything HAHA. I'm someone that really overcompensates for a lot things. For example if i'm scared but i don't want people to know, I'll act like I'm super brave. If i'm super interested but I don't want people to know, I'll act like i'm super uninterested. I feel that that may be part of the reason why I also don't like to be predictable because I'm uncomfortable to let people know what i'm truly feeling.. i can't admit to myself the fact that i'm really ... scared? confused? interested? HAHA
I've always been showing my bright side and people love me for that side of me
what if the real me is so scary that everyone runs away?
People who are really strong admit their weakness
But I'm not.
Recovery Day 11
Discovering new things about myself every day and it's interesting. So today right, I got back into my work mode and was clearing all my administrative planning stuffs for concert. Had 42 active conversations in whatsapp and telegram just from today you know thats how much stuffs I was trying to settle with different people.
So there was this letter that I'm suppose to write as the chairman of concert lah. Then I draft the letter freaking at least 2 times every day, with new amendments every time and this has been going on for a week and can you believe the letter is still not settled yet? So I'm really freaking tilted lah because each time I thought ok this is gonna be the FINAL FINAL DRAFT, then i send in to my boss and there's stuffs to change again.. and it's never finishing even though it's supposed to be a very simple letter. Also, my working style is "take and go", no regrets one haha. And I'm definitely not a perfectionist. So usually my work is at it's 90% potential right, i'll just take it and go already. I won't refine it 20 more times to let it reach 99.9999% i'm just not that kind of person lah. I don't like to do something too many times as long as I did my best that is it. Even for my school work, I will at most vet through 2-3 times and I'll submit. Even if I got a B grade instead of A, I wouldn't fault myself for not having tried harder. But this freaking letter I've vetted SOOO MANY TIMES that it's more serious than the essays i'm writing in school. That I'm honestly a little annoyed because it is also the issue of the person who i'm working with that is damn indecisive and one of his changes in decision cause freaking a lot of work for me to follow up you know why can't people just decide, do it and not change it not regret it. STICK TO IT.
Also, another thing that made me tilted today was this girl who attended my class and kept requesting for the video. I seldom feel my capacity to feel anger that I'm really really angsty instead of sad. Most of the time, my anger will dissociate into sadness as I'm more of a sad person than angry person.
One of the situations I hate the most is when you're doing something out of good will and people are demanding, harassing, bugging you for it because of some sense of entitlement that I have no idea where the F they get it from. I'm doing you a favor, I don't owe you a favor. So you are the one receiving the favor you jolly well wait with a good attitude. The best part is she go around telling all the people around her and make them on her side to flame me and now other than her, the rest of them are all coming to harass me.
There are too many things that I face on a day to day basis that I always find myself telling myself, why am I still dealing with such stuff, I thought people my age are over this phase already. Can they grow up pls...
But one thing i'm glad that is happening more recently is that I'm starting to rant more to my friends! Which I see it as a good thing because last time i'm so numb that I don't even bother complaining. But now when I'm angst I'll vent my angst to my friend on the spot and I feel more alive. Because something that should make me angry happened and i'm angry and that is the correct response.
Also, I hate it when some people are just such poor team players. I always believe that to be a good leader, you must be a good follower (team player). You must set an example to your followers that you are able to meet the demands that you set to earn their respect. You must know how it's like to be a team player so that you can be a good leader. You can't keep demanding and not give.
I know sometimes when people are assigned important roles, they see it as doing saikang because you are the stupid one doing extra jobs that people do not acknowledge you for. To me, it may be hard now to convince them to follow me but slowly and surely, i'll earn that conviction. That is when I'll say i've succeeded as a leader. That is where my sense of accomplishment comes from, to lead a team by inspiring them to believe in me and achieving even greater things together.
I really hope i'll be able to do that.
Lastly, I really dislike texting/ small talks. So unless its work related, I probably won't reply 90% of non- work related texts and the 10% replies are purely out of courtesy which doesn't last very long HAHAAH
I'm back to the phase of having a crush and being more retarded than usual when I'm around him HAHAHA. I FEEL so dumb because I can consciously feel myself laughing at everything he says lololololol And when we're in a group and they're asking about relationships and stuffs, I'm always playing the acting dumb game and act like i'm not interested but I'm actually listening to everything HAHA. I'm someone that really overcompensates for a lot things. For example if i'm scared but i don't want people to know, I'll act like I'm super brave. If i'm super interested but I don't want people to know, I'll act like i'm super uninterested. I feel that that may be part of the reason why I also don't like to be predictable because I'm uncomfortable to let people know what i'm truly feeling.. i can't admit to myself the fact that i'm really ... scared? confused? interested? HAHA
I've always been showing my bright side and people love me for that side of me
what if the real me is so scary that everyone runs away?
People who are really strong admit their weakness
But I'm not.
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