Seek love when love fails
Am I even in the right mind to blog now? It's 3a.m, the darkest hour in wee midnight. I wanna continue my discussion about BGR, because I think I have a lot of advice to share (just kidding). It's because I'm very amazed by the discoveries and observations I've made from the people around me.
//just digressing a little, it's a bit disgusting how I can feel the stem of the stud under my thin naval skin hahaha, and I have a habit of playing with it when I'm free now ><//
How do I even start this? I'm sure that all of us, by now would understand that men are from mars and women are from Venus. Cited from Wikipedia: It is important to remember that men and women have reciprocally different natures. Men and women need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way they do. This actually effectively just sums up everything I wanted to share ... So I shall put it into layman term for easier understanding.
To ease the pain and win love, men often obsessively seek success, and women obsessively seek perfection. Men may use anger, ego, or oblivion (such as burying themselves in their work) to avoid vulnerable feelings of pain or fear; women may lapse into depression or confusion to avoid having aggressive feelings of anger.
Two main points: women can't stand man's ego. Even though we understand (try to) that ego is part and parcel of ... A guy, it really pisses us off when a guy just refuses to admit that he is in the wrong, and continue to bullshit his way out to sound absolutely right. A women's best line would be, what happened to all the gentlemanliness and understanding from the male characters in movies and dramas. That's us, girls for you.
Second point, men can't stand woman's mood swings. I mean I really don't get what I did that made you so angry/ upset. At the same time, you refuse to fill me about what exactly happened. This is extremely frustrating.
Some times even after explaining, the same problem is seen as a huge problem to the girl but the guy may still not even see the problem! Even though they are statistics proving man to experience a greater depth of emotions than woman, most man are still more of an analytic creature while woman are more of a feeling creature. Meaning, man analyses the situation and make decision, less affected by emotions and women are more prone to letting their emotions get in the picture of decision making. Another way to put it may be than man are actually emotional but they are socalized to become tough and woman as weak (no gender discrimination intended, I mean look at how boys use guns and girls play Barbie... On a side note, don't underestimate dolls cause we got ANNABELLE.) precisely because this norm is changing, lesser gender inequality, women are also coming more hands on and guys are... Feminising. Maybe this will be a good thing as there will more more common grounds and greater understanding, but not till the extent that the roles are totally switched over cause it'll be status quo again.
Love inevitably changes over time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever, and over time our personal faults and negative baggage inevitably become exposed.
Given our age, (my age), I think it is really difficult to reach the point of a mature love because most of us are just not mentally ready yet. All relationships started sweet. But just as we thought we could totally expose ourselves to this lover whom will embrace all our flaws. PIAK, you will be so disappointed. To all the girls, don't give away yourself so easily. Please reserve more of you for yourself and don't give away everything that you have. To all the guys, I know the expectations girls always have on you kinda sucks because its always a lie that after giving so much we don't expect anything in return. So please, step up your game. The key is really just understanding. Sadly, it always happens that it's only one party that understands it and one sided things just tires people out. To think from his/her perspective, to not point fingers but question yourself if you may be In the wrong first. Even if you are not in the wrong, guys, it's really nothing to just give in sometimes. Stop the logic about I'm not in the wrong why should I give in, cause girls just like to feel loved when someone is willing to take a step back for them.
Next, I used to believe that love conquers all mountains. Now, I think mo matter how great the love, personalities must still be matched. You can love each other as deep as the distance between the bottomless sea to the endless skies, but having totally different personality and mindset is extremely difficult to overcome time and again. It is super difficult for understanding. Because you guys just don't click because the priorities, the thinkings are just way too different. Love is probably just a feeling that tells you that person is right. But differing viewpoints can be the reason why both of you can be equally right. Yes you can seek understanding, one party can give in but overtime, it will wear you out and you become less understanding. For example, to one, love may be just a simple life with that special someone. Waking up to his texts, and falling asleep with his jacket. To another, love may be strong and grand, wanting to show the whole world. The ways they express their love is so different, that each other dont feel loved in the way that they desire. Tell me how hard it is to change what you expect from your desired relationship.
As I listen to all the different perspectives between my female and male friends, I could really understand where they were coming from, their intentions and their reasons and im unable to tell Exactly who is right or wromg. But they can't get the understanding from others, and the click is really just the perspective and prioritites. So how else can you explain it? To me, I just attribute it to personality. That's why our love all fails us as soon enough one of us grow to realize that we don't suit each other. I can guarantee that being an observer is easy but if I myself was I'm the mess of this relationship, I wouldn't be able to discern between the rights and wrongs. I would too expect, I would too love immaturely.
The most important takeaway, don't expect the other party to feel the way you do. Because man and woman have a reciprocal relationship. And the gap is just understanding and greater understanding.
//just digressing a little, it's a bit disgusting how I can feel the stem of the stud under my thin naval skin hahaha, and I have a habit of playing with it when I'm free now ><//
How do I even start this? I'm sure that all of us, by now would understand that men are from mars and women are from Venus. Cited from Wikipedia: It is important to remember that men and women have reciprocally different natures. Men and women need to appreciate these differences, and cease expecting each other to act and feel the way they do. This actually effectively just sums up everything I wanted to share ... So I shall put it into layman term for easier understanding.
To ease the pain and win love, men often obsessively seek success, and women obsessively seek perfection. Men may use anger, ego, or oblivion (such as burying themselves in their work) to avoid vulnerable feelings of pain or fear; women may lapse into depression or confusion to avoid having aggressive feelings of anger.
Two main points: women can't stand man's ego. Even though we understand (try to) that ego is part and parcel of ... A guy, it really pisses us off when a guy just refuses to admit that he is in the wrong, and continue to bullshit his way out to sound absolutely right. A women's best line would be, what happened to all the gentlemanliness and understanding from the male characters in movies and dramas. That's us, girls for you.
Second point, men can't stand woman's mood swings. I mean I really don't get what I did that made you so angry/ upset. At the same time, you refuse to fill me about what exactly happened. This is extremely frustrating.
Some times even after explaining, the same problem is seen as a huge problem to the girl but the guy may still not even see the problem! Even though they are statistics proving man to experience a greater depth of emotions than woman, most man are still more of an analytic creature while woman are more of a feeling creature. Meaning, man analyses the situation and make decision, less affected by emotions and women are more prone to letting their emotions get in the picture of decision making. Another way to put it may be than man are actually emotional but they are socalized to become tough and woman as weak (no gender discrimination intended, I mean look at how boys use guns and girls play Barbie... On a side note, don't underestimate dolls cause we got ANNABELLE.) precisely because this norm is changing, lesser gender inequality, women are also coming more hands on and guys are... Feminising. Maybe this will be a good thing as there will more more common grounds and greater understanding, but not till the extent that the roles are totally switched over cause it'll be status quo again.
Love inevitably changes over time: the pristine bliss we feel when we first fall in love doesn’t last forever, and over time our personal faults and negative baggage inevitably become exposed.
Given our age, (my age), I think it is really difficult to reach the point of a mature love because most of us are just not mentally ready yet. All relationships started sweet. But just as we thought we could totally expose ourselves to this lover whom will embrace all our flaws. PIAK, you will be so disappointed. To all the girls, don't give away yourself so easily. Please reserve more of you for yourself and don't give away everything that you have. To all the guys, I know the expectations girls always have on you kinda sucks because its always a lie that after giving so much we don't expect anything in return. So please, step up your game. The key is really just understanding. Sadly, it always happens that it's only one party that understands it and one sided things just tires people out. To think from his/her perspective, to not point fingers but question yourself if you may be In the wrong first. Even if you are not in the wrong, guys, it's really nothing to just give in sometimes. Stop the logic about I'm not in the wrong why should I give in, cause girls just like to feel loved when someone is willing to take a step back for them.
Next, I used to believe that love conquers all mountains. Now, I think mo matter how great the love, personalities must still be matched. You can love each other as deep as the distance between the bottomless sea to the endless skies, but having totally different personality and mindset is extremely difficult to overcome time and again. It is super difficult for understanding. Because you guys just don't click because the priorities, the thinkings are just way too different. Love is probably just a feeling that tells you that person is right. But differing viewpoints can be the reason why both of you can be equally right. Yes you can seek understanding, one party can give in but overtime, it will wear you out and you become less understanding. For example, to one, love may be just a simple life with that special someone. Waking up to his texts, and falling asleep with his jacket. To another, love may be strong and grand, wanting to show the whole world. The ways they express their love is so different, that each other dont feel loved in the way that they desire. Tell me how hard it is to change what you expect from your desired relationship.
As I listen to all the different perspectives between my female and male friends, I could really understand where they were coming from, their intentions and their reasons and im unable to tell Exactly who is right or wromg. But they can't get the understanding from others, and the click is really just the perspective and prioritites. So how else can you explain it? To me, I just attribute it to personality. That's why our love all fails us as soon enough one of us grow to realize that we don't suit each other. I can guarantee that being an observer is easy but if I myself was I'm the mess of this relationship, I wouldn't be able to discern between the rights and wrongs. I would too expect, I would too love immaturely.
The most important takeaway, don't expect the other party to feel the way you do. Because man and woman have a reciprocal relationship. And the gap is just understanding and greater understanding.
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