bottle up, build up motivation.
Less than 2 werks to commom test, but I still wish to type here to get this load off my chest. Today, I officially pon sch because I really didnt feel like going. Doing one of my reflections for late coming, I wrote: ''showed perseverance as I continue to come to school eeven when I dont feel like coming." Of course, ms tan made a fuss out of it and keeps wanting to see me every day after morning assembly. You know how dreadful is that? B
t what's reflection without a truth. I won't do something like write out all the morally right answers. Because I really showed perseverance in that way even if you think im rude.
So, back to me skipping school today. Went to polyclinic and told them I get headache frequently. The doctor took my temperature and I realised im running a fever. Took my blood pressure and realised I have unusually low BP. So, heres the irony. Anti-depressants causes headache as they block some activities in your brain to prevent you from over thinking. But because of this not enough blood and oxygen flows around your head and now I have migraine. The doctor diagnoses so because the symptoms are one side of the head hurting and sometimes my vision is double (actually only once, which happened to be yesterday).
During the long wait at the clinic, called up mom and told her I didnt go school as im not feeling well. Cause recently I keep falling sick so she was quite concerned about my mental heath. Ended up having a 20 min heart to heart talk with her. I really feel less puzzled and lost after this. All this that is happening is not anyone's fault, its just human nature. zooming out from the content of the call, here are a few points that struck me.
没有人会雪中送炭,人只会锦上添花。
In my context, its actually saying that friends wouldn't want to hang around with someone negative. The definition of a friend that I always thought of was supporting you through the tough times. But everyone likes to hang around with positive people and not people with a lot troubles right. Everyone is already stressed up and have their own troubles why would they want to waste that extra effort on you. Before understanding this, I was actually quite hurt by the superficial friendships I get in school, but now I understand its not my friends fault. Its just me. Also, there are people who will go through the thick and thin with you, maybe just none for now.
Now, you may wonder why am I so depressed or worrying so much or taking Anti-depressants. I have no idea why this started too. But everytime it acts up I feel like im riding a roller coaster, being thrown to the pitless bottom. Maybe its hereditary? Because both my parents suffer from it. Maybe its environmental factor, which is indirectly my parents as im living with them haha. But im trying to be strong, trying to stand up again. With my own pair of hands. Trying to do well in my studies. I hope I will. At least give myself a chance to try my best so that I dont regret.
Here's a very strong one:
Emotions may break you; emotions will fix you.
lets still positive ! :) I hope no one around me will have to experience the same painful encounter as me forever.
t what's reflection without a truth. I won't do something like write out all the morally right answers. Because I really showed perseverance in that way even if you think im rude.
So, back to me skipping school today. Went to polyclinic and told them I get headache frequently. The doctor took my temperature and I realised im running a fever. Took my blood pressure and realised I have unusually low BP. So, heres the irony. Anti-depressants causes headache as they block some activities in your brain to prevent you from over thinking. But because of this not enough blood and oxygen flows around your head and now I have migraine. The doctor diagnoses so because the symptoms are one side of the head hurting and sometimes my vision is double (actually only once, which happened to be yesterday).
During the long wait at the clinic, called up mom and told her I didnt go school as im not feeling well. Cause recently I keep falling sick so she was quite concerned about my mental heath. Ended up having a 20 min heart to heart talk with her. I really feel less puzzled and lost after this. All this that is happening is not anyone's fault, its just human nature. zooming out from the content of the call, here are a few points that struck me.
没有人会雪中送炭,人只会锦上添花。
In my context, its actually saying that friends wouldn't want to hang around with someone negative. The definition of a friend that I always thought of was supporting you through the tough times. But everyone likes to hang around with positive people and not people with a lot troubles right. Everyone is already stressed up and have their own troubles why would they want to waste that extra effort on you. Before understanding this, I was actually quite hurt by the superficial friendships I get in school, but now I understand its not my friends fault. Its just me. Also, there are people who will go through the thick and thin with you, maybe just none for now.
Now, you may wonder why am I so depressed or worrying so much or taking Anti-depressants. I have no idea why this started too. But everytime it acts up I feel like im riding a roller coaster, being thrown to the pitless bottom. Maybe its hereditary? Because both my parents suffer from it. Maybe its environmental factor, which is indirectly my parents as im living with them haha. But im trying to be strong, trying to stand up again. With my own pair of hands. Trying to do well in my studies. I hope I will. At least give myself a chance to try my best so that I dont regret.
Here's a very strong one:
Emotions may break you; emotions will fix you.
lets still positive ! :) I hope no one around me will have to experience the same painful encounter as me forever.
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