Truthful

 

Hello readers! (if there's still any...) Since i'm changing to a new laptop and while waiting for all my files to transfer, i've decided to use this chance to blog. (cause i'm too lazy to study meh). I really wish I could blog everyday... if i had the time, I don't even need that Twitter account that is forever limiting my word capacity! Okay, today, let's talk about my ambition.

To be a psychiatrist. 

I mean okay... I don't know why recently there's a lot of people asking about my ambition. Maybe it's because of the new year visiting, maybe it's because i'm old enough and that's the type of question you get when you're 18. And everyone's reply was the same:

"You have to be not affected by your patients because they will tell you very sad stories..." (okay something along this line okay)

It's actually saying I have to be relatively emotionally stable. I don't think one can ever be? Since we're all humans. Well, at least i'm not bipolar! Here's a few instances when I'll get a mood change.
1) When people are damn noisy at the wrong occasion, especially whining. God, I hate whining. I'm not saying you can't be yourself and shout like a horse, but... leave that to parties!
Mood: annoyed

2) Smokers who breathe second-hand smoke out like in your face.  Like come on, it's not cool at all.
Mood: RAGE, stare.

3) When I meet people who don't reason. I'm not the girl who will quietly sit there and ya okay you win. I will argue. Also, when I meet insincere people. Although they don't know that I'm judging them as insincere, in my head i'm thinking: What's the point of talking to me if you don't actually want to? -.-
Mood: Pissed.

4) When I think too much and end up being a super contradicting person. Things like this always pops out in my mind. "I'm trying so hard to focus, that I can't focus." "Dramas are damn unrealistic, but I can't stop watching cause they're damn sweet." "I'm tired, no i'm not." "Wait for me, no okay you go first." "I don't like rice, yet I eat chicken rice." "I hate math, actually math quite fun." It's not indecisive you know. Cause when I need to make a decision, I can. It's just... every possibility sounds like a good idea.
Mood: headache.

Okay that's more of the fiery side. Here's the funny part about me. I feel the emotion: sadness, much more than fury but I never ever express my sadness as willingly as my anger.

1) Insensitive people. I'm damn sensitive but I just act like I'm not affected whenever I am. A classic example is in class whenever we take back results. People would vent about not getting the marks when they should have.

The kind of things I think about is, I always doubt. I doubt everyone around me. It seems like this world is full of motive. When people say things like, you can count on me, I'll be here. In my mind, it automatically runs: stop lying, you're just trying to make me feel better. And it may not be i'm too pessimistic or something. Because it's true. When people say these type of words, they're not thinking it through. They just sympathize with your situation. Maybe it's because since young my mum has always taught me that I can't depend on anyone but myself. When I always tell her who who who is so nice, she will ask me to be wary. I feel sad that I can't convince myself how true and innocent that intention of helping from some one is. SIGH

Nevermind, I don't feel like continuing this sad topic because it's too close to me, too sensitive.

So you see, with all these confusions in my head, how am I gonna become a psychiatrist?

The worst moments are when you actually have a lot of things to say but due to your limited vocabulary, you sound like you're repeating the same idea. PFTT.

Some post-new-year updates.

The happiest moment is when I play the ukelele and my friends, relatives sing the song I'm playing to. I'm not vocally inclined, my voice sucks but I really get immersed with the music as I strum heheeh.
Visiting this year kinda suck. Only went around with my Dad cause my Mom insisted that she does not want to go anywhere with my Dad. My parents, they're both very very extreme people. And when they rant to me about each other, I feel like I'm so exposed to the real world already. Like my innocence of a child is gone.

This year I've decided to use all my ang pao money to pay for my tuition classes as far as possible. It's really a heavy sum and Dad is working so hard, he's so tired. I mean life's sad right. You study your head off for half of your life, and work your life off for the rest of your life. Why did we even do this to ourselves.

Today's a very happy day! Even though I was really really sick (physically) and tired, I had so much fun teaching the kids hiphop. It was self-indulgence hehe. And then SR DANCE performance at hougang CC, self-indulgence again. For this good day, I'm gonna reward myself with a goodnight sleep. Screw all the undone work and snowballing stress.I will conquer this shit tomorrow ;)