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II lost my balance,
I was hanging on the cliff,
I was so scared, I am so glad,
For now I'm up even stronger. 

I really feel emotionally better nowadays, more focused and my fatigue was coming purely from the long study hours, with lesser negative thoughts. Keep it for 21 days, without breaking the chain, and it'll turn into a habit. My lesson of this episode is, I was wrong thinking that I must always give my best to everyone, even to people that mattered to me, but I didn't matter to them at all. I must learn to be a little more selfish as I realized no matter how hard I try, it is never enough and it's just wearing me out. I should conserve some energy to love myself more. I should not get so affected by other's opinion. I have to admit that I do love the fact that I feel deeper, all these emotions are really magical even though it also means I hurt deeper. I live by the belief that too much of something is never good, so currently I'm trying to control my emotions but I rather it stays with me. All these emotions make me feel human. If you can still keep up with my train of thought, I bet you pity the GP teacher that marked my script right? Cause this is exactly how my essay progresses from one thing to another. I really have an issue in thinking straight and logically. I think i need some training to tame my wandering thoughts. All these that I'm saying actually have a link its just that you can't see it. 

43 days. 
我不是放下了吗？
Why do I still feel so shy the moment you look at me and taking so much effort to return the eye contact. Why do I feel all jittery (standard phrase: butterflies in my stomach) when you accidentally stood too close for my comfort level. Why do I still sub-consciously pay extra attention when I hear your name. Why do we always end up walking side by side and i dare not even close up the gap between us. why i find myself needing to act brave in front of you when I'm damn Scared. Why can't I stop smiling to myself like an idiot after we held the simplest conversation. Why do I look away when I saw you with other girls. Why does that particular song always reminds me of you yet I still love to sing it so much. Who do you think you are to affect my life like that when at end of the day you're just a passerby. 

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