Head over Heart

Observing others allows you to learn a lot about yourself, they may not be new things, but are often realizations that you fail to notice especially when you're too egocentric. Contradicting isn't it? The more you focus on yourself, the more you can't see yourself. You think you know yourself well enough but nope. There are really a lot of things that can only be seen if you step back, and that is when you really grow into a more balanced self. We always talk as if we are sensible enough only to look back years later at what a fool we've been. But that's what life is about right? We have to take a shot and imagine that we are right and see where it'll take us ... (kinda like fake it till you make it) Anyway I'm really glad I finally have time like now to sit down, chill out, and flow out my thoughts. This is a process of self- discovery and pretty much for myself rather than creating entertaining contents for readership. At the same time, if you happen t...

  Hello readers. Writing has never been my pride, my English has been horrible (8 out of 10 of my academic report cards told me to work harder on my English language). Yet I still enjoy writing simply as an instrument to let my thoughts flow, which is very important for someone like me who is very expressive. Reading has never been my thing too. I fall asleep way too easily when I read pages and pages of overload texts. Hence I marvel at my completed psychology and sociology degree.. you do know that my course is all about reading and writing right.. HAHA Recently (just very recently, for the past 2 weeks), I've entered a very slow pace of life. I've graduated from school, I finished my 3 dance projects, I occasionally travel, sleep in till the sun sets, attend a few Christmas parties, and read.  It is interesting how when my head is buried deep inside my events and programs, I find myself loving the daily challenges and now I'm preoccupied with nothing, I love finding ...

  Hello. November and December has always got to be the worst months of my life. Last year, I just broke up, this year, i'm facing so much family issues. Seriously i'm dealt with so much tests in my life.. Right now i'm overwhelmed with so much fear, i have difficulty breathing, my hearts wrenched up and my stomach feels tied up like a knot. I am paralyzed by fear. I know there are still alot more things waiting to be done by me, I am caught between giving up and screaming help, that I'm not okay and between acting like everything's well and staying strong. I never considered growing up hard but i did grow up in a broken family. Never thought it had much impact on me until I grew up and the consequences hit me. I try so hard to be my very best yet I do not understand why do God or whoever's up there give me so many challenges to face. My broken family led me to developing some issues myself too when I grew up. I still tried so hard to be okay. To do more ...

Hello readers.   Anyway today, I really wasn't motivated to do school. Some days I'm like fuck.. last mod already let's just chiong and do well get A and pull my GPA up for the last lap and other days I'm like fuck.. I missed school again, woke up late again, but I can't afford to let myself feel shitty about myself, but I really feel shitty because I worry that this mod alone which will determine my term GPA will pull my whole GPA down zz and I get a lil angsty like why can't i just get my life together and wake up on time and go to school. Oh right, cause i'm doing stuffs like this at 3am ROFL   But usually when I miss school, I still try to get my life together, example go for meetings, go for dance, meet my friends YEH. It's not because dance is my passion and it's easier to go for such things. Nowadays I'm in a state where I even get sick and tired of dancing some times but I use the remaining of my discipline and motivation to do w...

Hello readers, i'm here again ! WOHOO Okay recently (not so recently, but maybe for the past 1 year) I find myself keep getting stuck in the situation where there are things I have to do but I can't proceed until someone else does his job. It's so frustrating because it is supposed to be done way earlier and faster but everyone's using the excuse of they're so busy right and I just happen to be that somebody, who can't stand the way things are and that some dumb body who is willing to sacrifice my not so busy time to do the work that that is not mine so that my own work which proceeds it will not be affected?! and also since we're working in the same organization, having a sense of excellence in what i'm doing makes me have a sense of excellence for the whole project which is resulting in me doing work outside of what i need to do again because no one is willing to do it. Everyone's just scraping the surface and ticking things off to-do-lists and y...

the things i've dreamed of, that is easily simple happiness for everyone will be my happiness too. Recovery Day 11 Discovering new things about myself every day and it's interesting. So today right, I got back into my work mode and was clearing all my administrative planning stuffs for concert. Had 42 active conversations in whatsapp and telegram just from today you know thats how much stuffs I was trying to settle with different people. So there was this letter that I'm suppose to write as the chairman of concert lah. Then I draft the letter freaking at least 2 times every day, with new amendments every time and this has been going on for a week and can you believe the letter is still not settled yet? So I'm really freaking tilted lah because each time I thought ok this is gonna be the FINAL FINAL DRAFT, then i send in to my boss and there's stuffs to change again.. and it's never finishing even though it's supposed to be a very simple letter. Also, m...

Recovery Day 4 28/08/18 Hello readers. I'm blogging again at 3am because I'm really removing all the restrictions and limits I have on myself. I just wanna do the things I wanna do. Even though 3am is the time to sleep, I don't want to put off my thoughts, I feel like talking to someone.. Here I am! :) Random thoughts always come and go, I may have even said this in my blog before but it was something fresh in mind... I've always felt pretty upset that since I've been dancing for so long, I seldom get compliments anymore. I know that we shouldn't dance for other's compliments but especially ever since it was became a job, dancing well became an expectation. I know I dance not bad, but people take it as a given that I'm a good dancer since it's my career. I really miss those feelings where I perform and people would tell me, you're a really good dancer. I've had a lot of those compliments when I just started out dancing, and now I barel...

  Hi readers!! Into 2018, I realise that I'm actually a very late bloomer. After the longest time, I started to understand things and perspectives that I could never seem to understand in the past, for once finally understood the right and smart way to do well for exams rather than just working really hard. Although there are still many moments where I feel like my brain is still underdeveloped/ not functioning properly. For example, my inability to resist things that are fun even though i'm severely sleep deprived. Nowadays people call it, don't FOMO (Fear of Missing Out) and I get sensitive to not fall into this label. But no matter how I try to convince myself, to be more rational and think of the consequences the next day, I still want to things in a YOLO way? HAHA TBH I don't think it's FOMO because this concept is over-used, there may be many reasons why you don't wanna miss out on a gathering/ meet-up. Mine being: I'm just a very sociable person, I ...

  Hello all. I can't believe I have only posted 2 posts in the whole of 2017. It certainly doesn't do justice to my wonderful 2017. In 2017, i was deeply in love with a guy, crazily passionate about my job, and getting very very little sleep from school exams. In 2017, i also became a lot closer to my Mom which I'm very very thankful for, lost a few old close friends, gained a few new friends and lived many visions that I've created. Here are some highlights of 2017!! 1) Attended quite a few 21st birthday parties! It is the 96' year and most of my friends who invited me were from my secondary school. Sadly, I didn't get as many invitations as I thought I would (being really honest here about my disappointment) as I've really drifted from a hell lot of people.. + I couldn't attend half of them as they were usually on weekends and I'm teaching.. Even those that I attended I had to rush down very late after class :') Still very thankful as al...