The thoughts that never once left my mind.

Hello readers. Recently on twitter I saw someone posting: "am I the only one that can't study during the actual A's?" Don't worry, I'm one of them too. I sure it's not just the two of us but in fact a small minority of us will be admitting to feeling this way... It's such an irony that you've worked hard (relatively) for 1.5 years and when the actual thing just comes you have no motivation at all and yes, the thought of screwing up isn't actually so scary. Am I screwed ? XD yesterday before I slept, a thought came to my mind. Why do people read other people's blog, I absolutely don't think it's for the reason of being curious about that person's life for a everyday blog like mine. I think.. It's because people hope to seek some kind of similarities in the post, reading how someone else is suffering too actually makes you feel (not better) but less alone. Hearing someone talking about something they probably do not dare to admit in front of others, from someone who isn't ashamed to just be honest about how they really feel. Blogs are like the most biased outlet of emotional expression and maybe that's what draws people. Everyone likes sensational news, no one likes neutral news. 

Most if you should have heard from me before, that my ambition is to be psychologist/social worker. Recently wavering on that thought cause I'm really not that capable of handling emotional situations. Being able to relate strongly to them is one thing but handling them well maybe sometimes requires some one who is less emotionally sensitive. Of course it cannot be zero empathy but too much empathy I've learnt, isn't good either. I mean I've definitely thought of working on being more imperative and less emotional and I know I can hold it short term but in the long run, i think it will really tire me out emotionally. I used to think that I'm really really strong (I think I am still) but just because you're strong it doesn't mean you have to put yourself through such challenges again and again right.

So... What's the next plan? This is gonna sound crazy but yes I'm really interested in theatre studies. Despite how bleak the prospects are for that course in Singapore. The only reason why psychology came into my mind was because of following the conventional path of taking triple science during secondary school and ending up in a science stream in JC. I think I'm still better suited the visual arts and humanities. I think that's where my heart lies. That being said, I can't just sit here and dream. So bye readers, gonna persevere in my work cause there's econs paper tomorrow! 

Till next time, but don't forget to keep smiling! :D 

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