MOMENTS ll

  Hello readers! :D

I think i'm highly bipolar because if you have been keeping track of my posts, it's either super negative or super positive. The fact that people nowadays like to compare who is worst to do and who is more pitiful, for idk what (to gain sympathy?), I shall not follow the norm. I'm not bipolar, bipolar is worst than this, it's just each time I'm feeling very sad I'll be very resilient and encourage myself back on track to fight again! :D

  Recently, I realised the greatest comfort you can get is to find out that you're not alone. Maybe i've been trying too hard to be independent since young, that I seldom like to seek help from friends. But friends, really allow you to go a long long longer way! :) Other than all the wonderful stuffs i've learnt from my leadership council in secondary school, the other reason why i'm so richly educated in terms of emotional advices is my mom. Although she isn't very highly educated, she really has wonderful insights about life for me and is a great mentor for me in terms of character building. They always say, you need to experience the storm before you see the rainbow. Because of her depression condition, she really made me see a lot of storms since young and so the innocence of the world being a beautiful place with good people was taken away from me at an age younger than majority. I used to be more positive, because I thought it was her condition that made her so negative about life. Until I became a lil older and experienced what she experienced one by one, seeing through people's motives and selfishness...Then I became some one like this: positive and still hopeful (luckily this part of me wasn't affected because I think my natural personality is just happy and hyper), and unwilling to trust or try trusting others because my mom keep saying how we cannot depend on others and no one will care about you in any problems, only have yourself to defend for yourself. She made it worst by saying even she won't help me, i'll only have myself. So all this time, I've been living without getting such assurance, but still having hope for the fact that all mothers love their child. My mom really said quite a lot of mean things to me, maybe that made me more resilient. When every one's placing family as their top priority, I'm trying to too. Since primary 6, I havent been having a very tightly knitted family and now, my parents are just living as two separate individuals. I'm the only child, it's really lonely some times. At the same time, she's telling me things like having money to yourself is better than having a daughter, because the daughter's money may not be your money. I was really hurt, I have no intention of not providing for her, when I have the ability in the future. In fact, I want to give her a good life, but she prefer money over me. And that day, it was just an ordinary day that we went to eat dinner together, I didn't make her angry or anything. She really make the world sound like the most cruel place. But thanks to HLC, i learnt to transfer this negative energy into positive energy, to use it to push myself forward. You may be challenged with a more harder setback than others, but when you overcome it, you'll gain much more than others.

Recently was dance farewell, a wonderful sobbing day for the dancers. Exactly one year ago, we were J1s and planning the farewell for our seniors. They were in the same situation as us now, crying but being J1s that haven't experienced much, we were just stunned and questioning why are they crying so excessively. Only after experiencing this journey, recalling how tough it was, how much we went through and endured together. I am sincerely upset with people's lack of common knowledge when they ask me "dance in aircon will sweat one meh? dance so easy i also can" It's a pure insult to dancers. I vivdly remember how during trainings, when we were in our leotards, how our whole back was wet with sweat and as we move around across the floor, we slide and slip on each others' sweat. Before our socks came (which was quite late into second year), we danced bare footed and had so much friction burns and blisters. We practice the same routine for so many times and you'll do double pirouettes on the same feet for so many times till you get a blister, and continue till your blister burst. And continue with a burst blister. I remember how that happened to me on the same day, a big part of the skin from my feet was gone. Of course, we could rest if we're injured but each time we rest, we're losing valuable time and chance to practice and improve. So no one really rest or slacks, because we're that serious about our passion, even when we're sick or injured. Physical training, push-ups, leg raises to bicycle crunches. We got them all covered. Being a dancer is only about moving your body, it requires targeted muscles to be strong enough and in control of your moves and kicks and lifts. And of course, flexibility training that isn't easy at all. Holding that position and letting the pain move to numbness. After that we can't even close our legs because it's like stuck there. Trust me, this pain from deep stretching is more intolerable than physical panting. Yet how many times we challenge ourselves to our maximum and end up forcing tears out (dude, it really hurts). Because being a dancer, strength is nothing without flexibility, and flexibility is nothing without strength. I remember how tiring TaiWan was, because we're attending the class of dancers that were like 10 times better than our standards. How we wake up the next morning feeling so sore and achy but continue to make it worst through each session. How we inspire and motivate each other, especially the level 3 wu gong class. When they demostrate and we were supposed to follow, in my mind was running 1000 reasons on how to report sick. But the next moment I saw Gilbert trying, even though he can't do it at all, he's still trying hard. And that inspired me to brave up and challenge myself. In sg, How dancing slowly became more stressful and tough because of the long training hours and lousy academics. The preparation of MOMENTS concert, rehearsal and training was every day and the expectations became more demanding as the concert is approaching.  How we have to dive for the floor because when the counting comes and you haven't mastered how to do it correctly, you just dive to catch that beat. It was a challenge constantly between speed and control, because we have to achieve speed and couldn't control and cushion our landings properly, end up crashing left and right like elephants in the studio.How Mr Dan always forget to give us water break and how we didn't dare to ask for it. How we help each other with the steps whenever he tells us he wants to see the opposite side of the rountine he just taught 5 minutes later. How we all couldn't manage but how no one stopped moving.  How most of us, at one point, despite the passion, felt like quitting dance because it felt so unmanageable. To the favourite improvisation sessions where we turned off the lights and moved to any piece of music. We persevered because our passion gives us strength and before we realised it, we've stepped down. I'm really excited for the J1s and hope that they'll persevere through and that their experience will be an even more exciting and enriching one!